We create our own demons!

For long It has been a topic of debate, whether Covid-19 virus is manmade, or nature made. If we keep this debate aside and discuss whether the pandemic is manmade or not it will be more worthwhile. And both are different, nature might have created the virus but credit of spreading it to the masses and making it a pandemic goes to the humankind. The lessons we did not learn during 1^st wave created the 2^nd and the ones we have forgotten too soon might create the 3^rd wave.

It is like debating whether fission reaction is manmade or nature made. Nature might have made the reaction but onus of converting it into destructive nuclear bomb lies on the humankind. From the overpopulation to widespread terrorism, from the ever-rising pollution to extinction of several flora/fauna, “we create our own demons”. I have borrowed this line from Tony stark (the iron man), one of the most famous characters of Marvel cinematic universe. We are responsible for majority of the problems that we are facing today.

The implication of this can be as wide as the big real-world problems or as small as our day-to-day life problems. Let me tell you the story of a close friend of mine- Puneet Sharma. After completing his graduation degree, Puneet joined pharmaceutical sales to support his family. He was a smart worker who turned around the sales performance of his area within months of his joining and soon he was among the top salesmen of his team. He was frequently recognized and rewarded on multiple platforms. His success stories were circulated to the team across the country. His success ensured him high increments & incentives. Now that he was earning well, he took a mortgage to build a bigger house for his family.

Soon he was being invited to multiple brainstorming meetings and interactions with higher management. As he frequented to these meetings, he had to put in extra time (from his personal space) to meet the needs of his sales work. As the workload increased, he started drinking more often. His extra efforts to maintain the balance between sales work and the meetings impressed his seniors and he was being considered for the promotion. With a promotion and higher salary in sight, he took a bank loan to buy a new car.

With his professional career looking settled and bright, he got married. Then came another challenge, he had to make time for his family, the meetings & his sales work. He wanted to give adequate time to his newly started family, he also didn’t want to miss out on the meetings because it brought him the fame he had got used to and it also gave him his chance to an early promotion.  He couldn’t even compromise on his sales performance that has given him higher salary. Now that he was married his expenses had also increased for which he hadn’t planned before. He was overwhelmed with the increased responsibilities. 

He lost control over his life and started living on autopilot mode from meetings to sales, from sales to family he was always on the toes. He stopped taking his me time and it also took a toll on his eating and drinking habits. When the demand from his meeting (additional) work increased, rather than asking for more time he compromised on his basic sales work to complete the meeting assignments. He didn’t fulfil the promises he made to the customers, that lead to decreased consumption of his products and overall sales. To cover it up he started dumping additional stock at the wholesalers. But soon wholesalers were up to their stocking capacity, so he started misusing the bonus offers and schemes.

Not long before it came into the notice of his managers and then not only, he lost the trust he had built but also his chances to promotion. He was no more a part of any brainstorming or interaction sessions, rather he had to face rigorous reviews that he wasn’t used to. Moreover, he was given a warning to improve his performance. He couldn’t deal with this failure and went on a drinking spree. This made things worse for his personal and professional life. Not long before he was asked to leave the job. Now he was an unemployed married man with knee deep in debt and had a drinking problem. Who was responsible for all of these? It was Puneet who created his own demons.

Oscar Wilde once said, “We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.”

Every day we find ourselves fighting for work life balance, every day we feel exhausted, think about the time when you willingly compromised on your personal time to deliver on a project to impress your seniors like Puneet did. Just think about it, what the seniors saw that this guy can walk an extra mile to get the things done and now there are higher expectations from you every day. It is you who signed on the deal and created the demon for yourself. It has a ripple effect, like if you are leading a team then by signing on this deal you have created this demon for your juniors as well.

If you spend more than you have earned or spend what you will earn in the future like in the case of Puneet, you are bound to have high debts on your hands. And we all know that this demon increases with the compound interest rate, and it increases exponentially.

The thing about alcohol is that nobody is pushing it down your throat. It’s done willingly. It starts as an occasional thing to socialize at parties, then it graduates to the means to deal with stress or celebrate the success. Soon one starts finding occasions to drink like on weekends, celebrating anniversaries or get together etc. And remember we Indians don’t just drink, we eat like hell while drinking. 

Unbalanced work-life, uncontrolled spending, and unchecked drinking- combined are the formula to a toxic lifestyle.  We are just one step away from having a burnout or an ailment. Once there, we cannot eat or drink as we want, the work pressure will not go away, and the medical bills will keep rising

Now the question is how not to end up creating our own demons?

The mantra is “अति सर्वत्र वर्जयेत्” or “The Excess of anything is bad”

Being aspirational is good but being over aspirational might be toxic for you. Always be aware of your limits, don’t bite off more than you can chew. No one is perfect, take your time to identify the improvement areas and learn to upgrade yourself. Prepare yourself for setbacks, they are going to be a permanent part of your life. While facing a setback always beware of the “over self-criticism” demon inside you. You might be nurturing it inside with your negative thoughts and lack of faith in yourself. Learn to tame this demon inside you and ignore its demoralizing voice. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

We live in the social media world where everyone is happy, their lives are just perfect and extravagant. In this world it’s easy to end up making wrong choices under peer pressure. Like buying the stuff you don’t need or going on a vacation you can’t afford. Don’t fall for it, be in the driver’s seat of your life. Else as Warren Buffet once said, “If you buy things you don’t need, soon you will have to sell things you need”. So, control that temptation demon inside you. Everyone has their own definition of success, career, or a happy life. What’s yours? What is working for others might not work for you or it might not be working for them as well and you just don’t know it. Sometimes it’s good to take a pause and reflect on the things that are happening with you or around you.

What do you do when you make a new friend? You invest time and efforts in knowing your friend better and be understanding of their way of doing things, isn’t it? So why not try to be your own best friend and try to know yourself better. Even self-understanding isn’t given, it must be obtained by oneself. Learn to be at peace with yourself.  

Finally, take your me time, you need it and you have earned it. There is a saying that health is not valued till the sickness comes and it’s true. Never compromise on your health for anything. Remember your health is not a currency that should be traded to make wealth. Rather it’s the greatest possession one must cherish the most.

So that’s my take on this subject. What’s yours? Which demons have you created for yourself and how did you tame it? Do leave your views in the comments sections.